Drowning in First World Parenting Problems
We have a saying here in America, when we know our problems are not really huge problems compared to the rest of the world, "first world problems". I would like to think I am very conscious of my complaining and grateful for all that I have been given. HOWEVER, I do have my moments of weakness. These battles creep in due to the lack of sleep or the lack of help I have at the moment because my husband is managing a disaster clean-up. As a Life Coach, you train for this. You have been through the deep inner workings of your own brain to develop a true and strong self. I reach for these coping tools very often but there are so many who do not have that training.
I like writing or simply talking to myself because I know I can dissect my emotions this way. This morning I find myself asking what do other moms and dads do to cope? When the flood gates open how do they push through? More importantly, how in the world did our parents, parents parents, or parents parents parents deal with adversity during the hardest years of raising children? I can not fathom how anyone parented through a depression, a World War or even a loss of life.
So, when life is messy as a parent here are my "go to" actions to regain the strength we all need to raise our beautiful little humans.
1.) BREATH. You or your partner did it through childbirth so this one should come natural. Take a very deep breath and look into a mirror. Point your finger at the person looking back and simply say "you've got this". It may seem silly but affirmations are proven to help in many ways.
2.) Let Go. I am not a fan of this saying, but no matter what you call it postponing little things like dishes, laundry, or even cat throw-up on the floor can help you take control of your emotions. When you say no to the little things you allow yourself to feel the larger ones. Rest you mind, read, write or take a walk. Even if you have to wait until the little ones are in bed, do something for you. Evaluate what bigger obstacles are going on in your mind and do the work to help improve them. For example, in the past I would save my money or work towards a goal that would help be become the best me. I saved money to quit my job and go to Africa (all from the encouragement of my Life Coach). I have taken roles that I knew would benefit my career in the future. Now that I have a family, I do not have that same flexibility I once had. So, I have to strategically put small yet effective goals in front of me. Sometimes that means not washing the second set of bottles in order to work on my goals but it is worth the relief it gives me.
3.) Take Action. I am 100% guilty of this but that is why I, myself have a Life Coach. I get it, we want to put our children first even when we try to break away for a few hours, BUT there is a moment in time when you need to take a hard look into your future and the future you are representing. Meaning, you will set the example and pace for your children. I am a product of a two income family. We went to daycare, often was home alone for a few hours after school and went to work functions with the parents. My parents showed me how to love a family and work hard. I didn't realize it before, but I am a driven individual because of their example. Take action with whatever it is you want to do in your life. Whether you are a SAH mother wanting to become more healthy in your life or a father in a search for a job you can be passionate about. You have the tools to make it happen. We all do. I can guide you through the change and if you have forgotten I can help you see the inner awesomeness you have inside you. One step at a time.
4.) Be quiet. Sometimes you just need to be quiet and listen to what your mind is racing about. Now, if you have an active mind like my husband that may mean you need a little whiskey with your quiet. Slowing your day down and really listening to what is occupying your mind will allow the true anxiety cause or causes to come through. For example, the other day I had a full blown melt down. I thought it was because my husband was away on business and I was feeling overwhelmed with keeping up with the house, baby and work. But, really may heart was saying "you are not addressing the real reason behind your sadness". Being a new mother is awesome and exhausting. It also sets a few limits for a little while until you can find your groove. Sure I can do most of what I did prior to children, girls nights, movies, and traveling but it take a little more work to make it happen. I had not fully accepted my new life as a mother. That is something I needed to embrace, love and find the patients to know it may not happen as quickly as it did before but my hobbies in life will be fulfilled in a new way. Do you see how the many obstacles in my life could have masked the real reason I was upset? Be quiet and listen.